ACT l
The stage Is empty. Chris's voice is heard over the loudspeaker. He enters and addresses the audience.
Invocation And Instructions To The Audience (from The Frogs)
CHRIS
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome. Patrons are respectfully reminded that the use of cameras or sound or video recording equipment is strictly forbidden. Also, please do not sit in the aisles, as in the event of any emergency you will be trampled to death. Also, patrons who are fitted with hearing aids are requested not to turn up their levels too high lest they set up feedback in patrons fitted with pacemakers. Please do not crinkle your programs incessantly. Please do not fidget uncontrollably in your seats. Please do not make little clicking noises with your tongues ...
And please
Don't cough,
It tends to throw the actors off.
All right, it isn't Aristophanes,
But please-
Don't cough.
Don't
Say, "What?"
To every line you think you haven't got.
And if you're in a snit because you've
missed the plot
(Of which I must admit there's not an
awful lot).
Still don't
Say, "What?"
If you see flaws, please,
Don't drop your jaws, please.
No loud guffaws, please,
When things don't go as planned.
During a pause, please,
Lots of applause, please-
If we don't get a hand,
You'll have to stand
For one that's canned ...
Don't
Go, "Oh"
Whenever there's a song you know,
And when you hear the verse,
don't whisper low,
"They cut that out of town, I saw the show –
I don't recall the tempo being quite that
slow ..."
And please
Refrain
From eating sweets in cellophane.
Though it's not Aristophanes,
Please don't fuss.
And when you hear cacophonies,
Well, don't blame us.
If we should wax satirical,
Don't take it wrong.
And if, by a sudden miracle,
A tune should appear that's lyrical,
Don't hum along.
Do not throw food, please,
Till we conclude, please,
Do not allude, please,
To "talent gone to waste."
If something's crude, please,
Don't come unglued, please,
No need to leave In haste-
The author has a reputation based
On taste.
So please
Don't fart-
There's very little air and this is art.
If now and then you're restless,
don't lose heart,
A premature departure may seem smart,
But wait for the finale (which is brilliant),
Then depart.
But first
We start
Putting it together...
The other performers enter, one by one.
Putting It Together (from Sunday in the Park with George)
STEPHEN (entering)
Bit by bit,
Putting it together...
Piece by piece-
Only way to make a work of art.
Every moment makes a contribution,
Every little detail plays a part.
Having just the vision's no solution,
Everything depends on execution:
Putting it together --
That's what counts.
RACHEL (entering)
Ounce by ounce,
Putting it together ..
Small amounts,
Adding up to make a work of art.
First of all, you need a good foundation,
Otherwise it's risky from the start.
Takes a lot of earnest conversation-
STEPHEN
But without the proper preparation-
RACHEL
Having just the vision's no solution-
STEPHEN
Everything depends on execution.
BOTH
The art of making art
Is putting it together,
Bit by bit.
MICHAEL (entering)
Note by note,
Working on projection –
Lips, teeth, throat,
Looking for a moment to inhale.
Keeping the emotional connection
Even when your fellow actors fail –
STEPHEN
Pointing up the subtext by inflection -
RACHEL
Helping your director reach perfection -
MICHAEL
Even though you have a strong objection
To the way she's handling the direction.
ALL THREE
Art isn't easy,
Every minor detail
Is a major decision.
Have to keep things in scale,
Have to hold to your vision -
MICHAEL
Even when you're feeling apprehensive
That you're looking bland and
inoffensive -
RACHEL
And you wish your wardrobe was
extensive -
STEPHEN
Don't forget that spangles are expensive ...
JULIE (enters. but her spotlight leaves her in half-shadow; looking up toward the invisible operator)
The light, luv -
A little to the right, luv -
(The spotlight obliges her)
It isn't very bright, luv
And must it be so tight, luv?
(The light brightens and widens; to audience)
He does that every night...
STEPHEN
Beat by beat,
Losing inhibition -
MICHAEL
Head, hands, feet,
Trying to relax but not too much -
CHRIS
Trying to layout the exposition
But without exposing it as such -
RACHEL
Trying to perform but not audition,
Trying to establish recognition -
JULIE
Trying to persuade the electrician
That he should destroy the competition –
(She blows a kiss to the electrician.)
ALL
Art isn't easy.
Every word, every line,
Every glance, every movement
You improve and refine,
Then refine each improvement ...
Bit by bit,
Putting it together.
Piece by piece,
Working out the vision night and day.
What it takes is time and perseverance,
Dealing with details along the way:
MICHAEL
Dealing with producers' interference,
JULIE
Waiting for the author's disappearance,
STEPHEN
Filling up the holes with animation,
RACHEL
Covering the flaws in the construction,
CHRIS
Lacking any scenic ostentation -
JULIE
-This is not a Mackintosh production-
SCOTT
Finding every tiny syncopation
Hidden in the tiny orchestration,
ALL
Working for a tiny compensation,
Hoping for a thunderous ovation-
The art of making art
Is putting it together ...
Bit by bit,
Part by part,
Fit by fit,
Start by start,
Stride by stride,
Kick by kick,
Glide by glide,
Shtik by shtik,
Side by side
By side
By side
By side
By side -
And that is the state of the art!
The performers become characters at a noisy cocktail party in the living room of an expensive penthouse duplex in an urban high-rise building, The hosts are Paul and Amy (Stephen and Julie), a married couple celebrating their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. Michael is a young colleague from Paul's publishing firm. Rachel is a maid hired for the evening, Chris is a mischievous and somewhat mysterious uninvited guest who occasionally comments on the action throughout the evening.
Rich and Happy #1 (from Merrily We Roll Along)
ALL
Party!
STEPHEN
So we bought this little condominium ..
JULIE
So I found this little German dressmaker ...
MICHAEL
I was stuck at the office 'til half past six-
JULIE
Get a drink, ]'II be with you in just two ticks
STEPHEN
So we bought this little condominium ...
JULIE
Hi!
MICHAEL
Hi!
STEPHEN
Hi!
ALL THREE
Hi!
ALL THREE & CHRIS
Party!
STEPHEN
Life is swinging,
Skies are blue and bells are ringing,
Every day I wake up singing,
"Look at me. I'm rich and happy!"
Days are sunny,
Working hard for lots of money,
Filled with people smart and funny.
Filled with people rich and happy.
JULIE
Who says, "Lonely at the top"?
I say, "Let it never stop'"
BOTH
It's our time coming through,
All our dreams coming true-
JULIE
Gorgeous house -
STEPHEN
Gorgeous wife -
BOTH
Who wants any more from life?
Skies are beaming,
Future bright and prospects gleaming!
Best of all, you don't stop dreaming
Just because you're rich and famous
And therefore
Happy. too!
ALL
Party!
CHRIS
These are the movers,
These are the shapers.
These are the people
Who fill the papers -
JULIE
Wonderful!
CHRIS
-People who set the trends-
JULIE
Oh, darling, you look wonderful!
CHRIS
-Everyone friends of friends ..
JULIE
When you see a face-lift that bad,
What on earth can you say?
STEPHEN
Congratulations!
CHRIS
These are the movers,
These are the shapers,
These are the people
Who give you vapors ...
STEPHEN
Twenty years ago who'd have guessed,
Who'd have guessed
We'd be standing here,
Playing host to the very best,
All the powers that be?
JULIE
Wonderful!
STEPHEN
-Everybody I see-
JULIE
Oh, doesn't she look terrible!
STEPHEN
And guess who's one of them –
Me!
MICHAEL
HI!
ALL
Party!
Life is swinging,
Skies are blue and bells are ringing.
Every day I wake up singing -
RACHEL
Look at them, they're rich and happy.
OTHERS
Days go zipping,
Everyone is ripped or ripping,
CHRIS
Everybody's flip or flipping -
ALL
Everybody's rich and happy!
ALL (except Rachel)
Who says all your dreams get burned?
Every inch of this was earned.
It's our time coming through.
All our dreams coming true,
All our days full of beans!
RACHEL
This must be what happy means ...
ALL (except Rachel)
Skies are beaming,
Future bright and prospects gleaming!
Best of all, we don't stop dreaming
Just because we're rich
STEPHEN
And famous
JULIE
And well-dressed
MICHAEL
And influential
CHRIS
And on the covers of magazines
And in the columns and on the screens,
JULIE
Being photographed,
MICHAEL
Being generous,
STEPHEN
Starting programs for troubled teens
And
ALL (except Chris)
At the parties cutting capers,
And on the talk shows and in the papers,
And unbelievably
Happy too!
After a comment by Chris, Rachel makes a grand entrance down the stairs with a bottle of champagne and pours it for the three men.
Merrily We Roll Along # 1 (from Merrily We Roll Along)
CHRIS
Yesterday is done.
See the pretty countryside.
Everybody merrily, merrily
Rolling along, ..
Traveling's the fun,
flashing by the countryside,
Making you think merrily, merrily
What can go wrong?
Lovely
RACHEL
Lovely,
All I am is lovely.
Lovely is the one thing I can do.
Winsome,
What I am is winsome,
Radiant as in some
Dream come true.
Oh,
Isn't it a shame?
I can neither sew
Nor cook nor read or write my name.
But I'm happy
Merely being lovely,
for it's one thing I can give to you.
Now
Venus would seem tame,
Helen and her thou-
Sand ships would have to die of shame.
And I'm happy,
Happy that I'm lovely,
for there's one thing loveliness can do:
It's a gift for me to share with you!
The men transform Rachel from a maid into a guest.
Everybody Ought To Have A Maid (from A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum)
STEPHEN
Everybody ought to have a maid.
CHRIS & MICHAEL
Everybody ought to have a maid.
STEPHEN
Everybody ought to have a working girl.
CHRIS
Everybody ought to have a lurking girl
MICHAEL
To putter around the house.
STEPHEN
Everybody ought to have a maid.
CHRIS & MICHAEL
Everybody ought to have a maid.
STEPHEN
Everybody ought to have a menial,
CHRIS
Consistently congenial
STEPHEN & MICHAEL
And quieter than a mouse.
ALL
Oh! Oh! Wouldn't she be delicious,
CHRIS & MICHAEL
Tidying up the dishes,
Neat as a pin?
ALL
Oh! Oh! Wouldn't she be delightful,
CHRIS & MICHAEL
Sweeping out,
STEPHEN
Sleeping in ...
MICHAEL
Everybody ought to have a maid!
CHRIS
Everybody ought to have a maid!
STEPHEN
Someone whom you hire when you're short of help
ALL
To offer you the sort of help
You never get from a spouse.
STEPHEN
Fluttering up the stairway,
MICHAEL
Shuttering up the windows,
CHRIS
Cluttering up the bedroom,
STEPHEN
Buttering up the master.
ALL
Puttering all around
The house!
ALL
Oh! Oh!
Think of her at the dustbin,
'Specially when she's just been
Traipsing about.
STEPHEN & MICHAEL
Oh! Oh!
ALL
Wouldn't she be delightful.
CHRIS & MICHAEL
Living in,
STEPHEN
Giving out...
CHRIS & MICHAEL
Everybody ought to have a maid.
STEPHEN
Everybody ought to have a maid,
CHRIS
Tidily collecting bits of paper 'n' strings,
MICHAEL
Appealing in her apron strings,
STEPHEN
Beguiling in her blouse!
MICHAEL
Pattering through the attic,
CHRIS
Chattering in the cellar,
STEPHEN
Clattering in the kitchen,
ALL
Flattering in the bedroom,
Puttering all around
The house.
The house!
The house!
The house!
CHRIS
The maid ...
STEPHEN
The maid ...
MICHAEL
The maid ...
ALL
The maid!
Everybody ought to have a maid,
Someone's who's efficient and reliable,
Obedient and pliable
And quieter than a mouse.
Oh! Oh! Wouldn't she be so nimble,
Fiddling with her thimble,
Mending a gown?
Oh! Oh! Wouldn't she be delightful.
MICHAEL
Cleaning up,
STEPHEN
Leaning down ...
ALL
Everybody ought to have a maid,
Someone who'll be busy as a bumblebee
And, even if you grumble, be
As graceful as a grouse!
MICHAEL
Wriggling in the anteroom,
STEPHEN
Jiggling in the living room,
CHRIS
Giggling in the dining room,
MICHAEL
Wiggling in the other rooms,
ALL
Puttering all around
The house.
The house!
The house!
The house!
Rachel flirts with the men. to Julie's consternation.
Sequence: Sooner Or Later (from Dick Tracy);
I'm Calm (from A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum);
Impossible (from A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum);
Ah, But Underneath (from Follies, 1987)
JULIE
Why did he look at her that way?
STEPHEN
Why did she look at him that way?
MICHAEL
Why did she look at me that way?
JULIE
Why did she look at him that way?
STEPHEN
Why did he look
At her that way?
ALL THREE
Must be my imagination...
RACHEL (to Michael)
Sooner or later you're gonna be mine,
Sooner or later, you're gonna be fine.
Baby, it's time that you faced it,
I always get my ...
MICHAEL (to himself)
I'm calm, I'm calm,
I'm perfectly calm.
I'm utterly under control.
I haven't a worry,
Where others would hurry,
I stroll.
RACHEL (turning to Stephen)
Sooner or later you're gonna decide
Sooner or later there's nowhere to hide.
Baby, it's time, so why waste it in chatter?
Let's settle the matter.
Baby, you're mine on a platter.
I always get my...
JULIE (to herself)
I'm calm, I'm cool,
A gibbering fool
Is something I never become!
When thunder is rumbling
And others are crumbling.
I hum.
CHRIS (watching Julie)
She seems smart, tart,
Dry as a martini.
Ah. but underneath ...
She's all soul, heart,
Something by Puccini –
Ah, but underneath ...
In the depths of her interior
Are fears that she's inferior
And something even eerier –
But no one dares to query 'er
Superior exterior.
RACHEL (to Michael)
Right - if you insist. babe.
The challenge delights me.
The more you resist, babe,
The more it excites me.
And no one I've kissed, babe,
Ever fights me again ...
MICHAEL
I'm calm, I'm perfectly calm ...
RACHEL (advancing on Chris, but waving at Stephen)
If you're on my list,
It's just a question of when.
JULIE
Why did she wave at him that way?
RACHEL (to Chris, but waving at Michael)
When I get a yen -
STEPHEN
Why did she wave at him that way?
RACHEL
Then, baby,
Amen –
STEPHEN, MICHAEL & JULIE
Why did she wave at him?
RACHEL
I'm counting to ten:
One, two, three –
And then -
Four, five, six, seven,
Eight, nine -
CHRIS
Party!
STEPHEN (looking at Rachel and Michael)
She's a lovely, blooming flower,
He's just a sprout - impossible!
JULIE (looking at Rachel and Stephen)
She's a lovely, blooming flower,
He's wearing out - impossible!
STEPHEN
Just a fledgling in the nest -
JULIE
Just a man who needs a rest -
STEPHEN
He's a beamish boy at best -
BOTH
Poor dumb B**tard ...
STEPHEN
Then again, there is my wife,
But sometimes it's just - impossible!
JULIE
Then again, he is my husband,
I ought to trust -
(looks over at him)
Impossible!
STEPHEN
Youth is great and all that jive –
JULIE
He fools no one ...
STEPHEN
Forty-one is still alive -
JULIE
What?
STEPHEN
All right, pushing forty-five,
But –
BOTH
Him?
Impossible!
RACHEL (to Stephen)
I'm gonna love you like nothing you've known.
CHRIS
Somebody better break open the Scotch ...
RACHEL (to Michael)
I'm gonna love you, and you all alone.
CHRIS
Someone is turning the heat up a notch ...
RACHEL
(to Chris)
Sooner is better than later, but lover,
(to Stephen)
I'll hover,
(to Michael)
I'll plan.
(to all three)
Baby, you're gonna discover
I always get my man.
STEPHEN
Why did she look -
JULIE
Why did she look -
MICHAEL
Why did she look -
ALL THREE
- At him?
CHRIS (surveying the others: to audience)
Watch.
Stephen flirts with Rachel.
Hello, Little Girl (from Into the Woods)
STEPHEN
Look at that flesh,
Pink and plump.
Hello, little girl ...
Tender and fresh,
Not one lump.
Hello, little girl...
This one's especially lush,
Delicious ...
Mmmh...
Hello, little girl.
What's your rush?
You're missing all the flowers.
The sun won't set for hours,
Take your time,
RACHEL
Mother said,
"Straight ahead,"
Not to delay
Or be misled.
But slow, little girl,
Hark! and hush -
The birds are singing sweetly,
You'll miss the birds completely,
You're traveling so fleetly,
Grandmother first.
Then Miss Plump...
What a delectable couple:
Utter perfection-
One brittle, one supple – RACHEL
One moment. my dear! Mother said,
"Come what may,
Follow the path
And never stray."
Just so, little girl –
Any path.
So many worth exploring.
Just one would be so boring.
And look what you're ignoring ...
Think of those crisp,
Aging bones,
Then something fresh on the palate,
Think of that scrumptious carnality
Twice in one day-!
There's no possible way
To describe what you feel
When you're talking to your meal.
RACHEL
Mother said
Not to stray,
Still, I suppose.
A small delay ...
Granny might like
A fresh bouquet ..
Goodbye, Mister Wolf.
STEPHEN
Goodbye. little girl.
And hello ...
JULIE (stepping forward)
Hello.
STEPHEN
Oh, hello darling!
Julie vents her feelings about Stephen’s flirtations and then her feelings about her life, echoed by Rachel.
My Husband The Pig;
Every Day A Little Death (from A Little Night Music)
JULIE
My husband the pig.
The swaggering bore
I'll do anything for,
What a pig!
The air of disdain is appalling,
The level of decency nil.
If he thinks that I'll always come crawling,
Ha! I will.
My husband, the pig.
I worship the ground
That lie kicks me around
On, the pig.
I have no objection to passing inspection.
But who can contend with an endless erection
That falls to its knees when it sees its reflection?
My husband ...
Like a clot in the cream
Or a fly in the jam,
Till I think that I'm going to scream –
And I am!
But would anyone here give a damn?
All, well ...
Every day a little death
In the parlor, in the bed,
In the curtains, in the silver,
In the buttons, in the bread.
Every day a little sting
In the heart and in the head.
Every move and every breath,
And you hardly feel a thing,
Brings a perfect little death.
He smiles sweetly, strokes my hair,
Says he misses me.
I would murder him right there
But first I die.
He talks softly of his wars
And his horses
And his whores,
I think love's a dirty business!
RACHEL
So do I!
I'm before him So do I ...
On my knees
And he kisses me,
He assumes I'll lose my reason,
And I do,
RACHEL
Men are stupid, men are vain,
JULIE
Love's disgusting, love's insane,
BOTH
A humiliating business!
RACHEL
Oh, how true!
JULIE
Ah, well ...
Every day a little death,
RACHEL
Every day a little death,
JULIE
In the parlor, in the bed,
RACHEL
On the lips and in the eyes,
JULIE
In the curtains,
In the silver, RACHEL
In the buttons, In the murmurs,
In the bread, In the pauses,
In the gestures,
In the sighs,
Every day a little sting
RACHEL
Every day a little dies,
JULIE
In the heart
And in the head,
RACHEL
In the looks and in the lies,
JULIE
Every move and
Every breath,
BOTH
And you hardly feel a
Thing,
Brings a perfect little
Death.
After another comment by Chris, Stephen tries to deflect Michael's attention from Rachel.
Merrily We Roll Along #2 ;
CHRIS
How does it happen?
When does it disappear?
How does it start to go?
Does it slip away slow
So you never even notice it's happening?
Have I Got A Girl For You! (from Company)
STEPHEN
Have I got a girl for you! Wait till you meet her!
Have I got a girl for you, boy! Hoo, boy!
Dumb, and with a weakness for Sazerac slings –
You give her even the fruit and she swings.
The kind of girl you can't send through the mails –
Call me tomorrow, I want the details,
Have I got a chick for you! Wait till you meet her!
Have I got a chick for you, boy! Hoo, boy!
Smart – she's into all those exotic mystiques:
The Kama Sutra and Chinese techniques –
I hear she knows more than seventy-five ...
Call me tomorrow if you're still alive!
Have I got a girl for you! MICHAEL
Have I got a girl for you!
Wait till you meet her!
Wait till you meet her!
Have I got a girl for you, boy!
Hoo, boy! Have I got a girl for you, boy!
Boy, to be in your shoes what I wouldn't give –
I mean the freedom to go out and live,
And as for settling down and all that –
Marriage may be where it's been,
But it's not where it's at!
What do you like, you like coming home to a kiss?
Somebody with a smile at the door?
What do you like, you like indescribable bliss?
Then what do you want to get married for?
What do you like, you like an excursion to Rome,
Suddenly taking off to explore?
What do you like, you like having meals cooked at home?
Then what do you want to get married for?
What do you want to get married for?
MICHAEL
What do you want to get married for?
Stephen and Michael sing about women.
Pretty Woman (from Sweeney Todd)
MICHAEL
Pretty women ...
Fascinating ...
Sipping coffee,
Dancing,
Pretty women
Are a wonder.
Pretty women.
Sitting in the window or
Standing on the stair.
Something in them
Cheers the air.
Ah. pretty women ...
STEPHEN
Silhouetted ...
MICHAEL
Stay within you ...
STEPHEN
Glancing ...
MICHAEL
Stay forever ...
STEPHEN
Breathing lightly ...
MICHAEL
Pretty women ..
BOTH
Pretty women!
MICHAEL STEPHEN
Blowing out their candles or Blowing out their candles,
Combing out their hair ... Combing out their hair ...
Then they leave ...
Even when they leave Even when they leave you
They still And vanish. they somehow
Are Can still remain
There, There with you.
They're there. They're with you.
BOTH
Ah,
Pretty women
MICHAEL
At their mirrors...
STEPHEN
In their gardens ...
MICHAEL
Letter-writing ...
STEPHEN
Flower-picking ...
MICHAEL
Weather-watching...
BOTH
How they make a man sing!
Proof of heaven
As you're living -
Pretty women. sir!
MICHAEL STEPHEN
Pretty women. here's to Pretty women, yes!
Pretty women, Pretty women, sir!
Pretty women.
Pretty women, Pretty women, sir.
Pretty women! Pretty women!
Michael prepares to seduce Rachel, his thoughts sung by Chris.
Now (from A Little Night Music)
CHRIS
Now,
With the formal civilities
Out of the way
And a moment's reprieve,
Now,
There are two possibilities:
A, I could lay her or
B, I could leave.
Say
I decide on the lay, we see
The option
That follows, of course:
A,
The deployment of charm or B,
The adoption
Of physical force.
Now B might arouse her,
But let us assume
I trip on my trouser
Leg crossing the room.
Her hair getting tangled,
Her stays getting snapped,
My nerves would be jangled,
My energy sapped.
Removing her clothing
Could takc me all day
And her subsequent loathing
Would keep me at bay.
Which eliminates B
And which leaves us with A ...
Now,
Insofar as approaching it,
What would be charming
But have its effect?
Now,
There are two ways of broaching it:
A. the disarming
And B, the direct.
Say
That I settle on B, to wit,
A festively
Lecherous mood:
A,
I could say something racy or sit
Suggestively,
B, in the nude ...
That might be effective,
My body's all right –
But
not in perspective
And not in the light.
My cashmere kimono
Would hide what is wrong.
If only I'd known,
I'd have brought it along.
I'd say something racy
Or even obscene,
Except she's so spacy
She'd think it was clean.
Which leaves the disarming,
In other words liquor -
A lot less alarming
And certainly quicker.
Though vodka and whiskey
Can get in the way
By making things risky
Instead of risqué ...
Which eliminates A.
Now,
With my mental facilities
Hopelessly mired
In recitative -
Now,
Though there are possibilities
Left, I'm so tired
I might as well leave.
Bow
As I must
To adjust
My original plan.
How
Shall I stay as blasé
As I usually can?
MICHAEL
When now I want you more than ever?
Now or never -
MICHAEL & CHRIS
Now!
Michael and Rachel sing their thoughts as they set the table for dinner.
Bang! (from A Little Night Music)
MICHAEL
Bang!
The war commences,
The enemy awaits
In quivering expectancy.
The poor defenses,
The penetrable gates –
How terrible to be a woman!
The time is here,
The game is there.
The smell of fear,
Like musk, pervades the air.
The bugle sounding,
The pistol steady,
The blood is pounding,
Take aim and ready ..
Bang!
Twenty minutes small talk,
Thirty at the most.
Bang!
Two or three to pour the schnapps.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
Half a minute to propose
The necessary toast,
Bang!
The tunic opens,
Bang!
The trousers fall,
Bang!
The foe is helpless,
Back against the wall.
Bang!
An hour and a quarter over all,
And bang! RACHEL
Twenty minutes to arrange
These bloody awful flowers,
Bang!
Can I get away with more?
Bang! Bang! Bang!
Then I have to brush my hair,
And that could take me hours.
Bang!
A fit of vapors -
Bang!
No, that’s too quaint.
Bang!
A wracking cough,
And then a graceful faint...
Bang!
A lengthy lecture
Bang!
On self-restraint ...
Bang! Bang!
Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
The battle rages.
Bang!
Whatever ground I gain
I fortify remorselessly.
Bang! Bang!
The foe engages
Bang!
By shifting the terrain –
How pitiful to be a woman.
Bang!
Attack.
Bang!
Retreat.
Bang!
Layback.
Bang!
Reform.
Bang!
Outflank.
Bang!
Deplete.
Bang!
Move up and then restorm.
Bang! Bang!
The siege succeeding.
Bang!
The time grows shorter.
Bang!
She lies there pleading.
Bang!
I give no quarter ...
Bang! Bang!
Foray at the elbow.
Salvo at the knee!
Bang! Bang!
Fusillades at breast
And thigh!
Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
Then when she's exhausted.
Bang!
A fresh sortie!
Bang!
I taste the conquest.
Bang!
The taste is sweet.
Bang! Bang!
She lays her arms down.
Welcoming defeat.
Bang! Bang!
Both sides. content,
Bang!
Secure
Bang!
Positions.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
All passion spent.
Bang!
Discuss
Bang!
Conditions.
How terrible.
Bang!
How pitiful.
Bang!
How glorious to be a woman ...
He is a peacock.
I keep forgetting ...
The quarry senses
A momentary pang.
It's all so foolish –
Why am I sweating?
The war commences.
Bang! Bang!
As Michael and Rachel repair to a room upstairs, Julie enters, drinking.
Stephen is opening wine for dinner.
Country House (from Follies, 1987)
JULIE
How about a country house? STEPHEN
Fine.
You want to get a country house?
If you like.
What would you like?
No. a country house would be fine.
Would you like one?
Sure. if that would make you happy-
Swell.
Whatever makes you happy-
Yes, well ..
Why not?
We'll get a country house.
What kind?
Kind?
Whatever kind you have in mind.
You choose.
Look. it's your idea, a country house-
Oh. forget it.
And a good one.
Oh.
If that's what makes you happy.
Happy...
Comparatively happy.
All right, where? All right. where?
I don't care.
That's not fair.
Well, then,
Somewhere by the sea- Somewhere in the woods –
By the sea, then.
Don't agree just to agree,
Look. it's all the same to me.
Yes, I know.
Meaning?
Oh, let it go,
Look, as long as we're together ... Look, as long as we're together ...
How about a trip abroad?
Let's.
We haven't had a trip abroad for years.
Not for ages.
Take a ship abroad, get away-
Just the two of us.
A chance to be together.
That's the point.
As long as it's together. As long as it's together.
It's what we need, a trip abroad,
Where to?
To?
To London, Paris-?
Somewhere new.
Up to you.
’Round the world!
No, really.
'Round the world won't do?
Where?
Let's not get into that one again, If that would make you happy –
No, really, fine.
"If that would make me happy." If that would make you happy.
It just might.
All right, when? All right, when?
Name the day.
Just not May.
Why?
The meeting in Atlanta.
Ah ...
June, July?
No, that's my benefit for ANTA.
So-?
So-?
It's enough to lend your name.
And you couldn't do the same?
It's my board.
Oh, dear Lord.
And they can't be ignored.
No, and you can't afford
To be bored with your board,
Can you?
Well, so much for travel.
How about a friendly shrink?
What?
You want to see a friendly shrink?
Why me?
Us.
I think
I'd rather have another drink-
Okay. your turn.
But if that would make you happy ...
What?
Joke:
If a shrink could make you happy.
Nice joke.
How about a St. Bernard?
What?
We could adopt a St. Bernard.
In New York?
Are you serious? A St. Bernard?
Or a child.
Ah. the child ...
All right. why? All right, why?
Why not?
Why now?
We need something we can share.
We need air.
We need something-
We need something if it's real.
Maybe saying what we feel?
It's a deal.
For a change.
You go first.
After you.
I've got nothing to conceal,
So there's nothing to reveal.
Ah ... Well. that's a great big
weight off my mind.
I could take a few days off...
Maybe we could get a suite
at the Waldorf ...
Mmm ...
Just the two of us.
Second honeymoon.
Should be better than the first.
There are times when you can be a louse.
The hell, let's get a house.
Another comment by Chris, as everyone assembles at the table. Julie, by now quite drunk, stares at Stephen. The action freezes and she unleashes her rage, passing out at the end of the song.
Merrily We Roll Along #3
CHRIS
How did it happen?
Once it was all so clear.
How did you get so far off the track?
Why can't you turn around and go back?
How did it happen?
Where was the moment?
When did the road behind disappear?
Where did you let things slip out of gear?
How did you ever get to be here?
Could I leave You? (from Follies)
JULIE
Could I leave you?
How could I leave you?
How could I go it alone?
Could 1wave the years away
With a quick goodbye?
How do you wipe tears away
When your eyes are dry?
Sweetheart, lover,
Could I recover,
Give up the joys I have known?
Not to fetch your pills again
Every day at five.
Not to give those dinners for ten
Elderly men
From the U.N. –
How could I survive?
Could I leave you
And your shelves of the World's Best Books
And the evenings of martyred looks.
Cryptic sighs.
Sullen glares from those injured eyes?
Leave the pats on the head, pecks on the cheek.
Dutiful lovemaking once a week?
Leave the lies ill-concealed
And the wounds never healed
And the games not worth winning
And – wait. I'm just beginning!
What, leave you, leave you?
How could I leave you?
What would I do on my own?
Putting thoughts of you aside
In the south of France,
Would I think of suicide?
Darling, shall we dance?
Could I live through the pain
On a terrace in Spain?
Would it pass? It would pass.
Could I bury my rage
With a boy half your age
In the grass? Bet your @$$.
But I've done that already-or didn't you
know, love?
Tell me. how could I leave when I left long
ago, love?
Could I leave you?
No. the point is, could you leave me?
Well, I guess you could leave me the house.
Leave me the flat,
Leave me the Braques and Chagalls and all that.
You could leave me the stocks for sentiment's sake.
And ninety percent of the money you make,
And the rugs
And the cooks -
Darling, you keep the drugs.
Angel, you keep the books.
Honey, I'll take the grand,
Sugar, you keep the spinet
And all of our friends and –
Just wait a goddamn minute!
What, leave you? Leave you?
How could I leave you?
Sweetheart, I have to confess:
Could I leave you?
Yes.
Will I leave you?
Will I leave you?
Guess!
Disc Two
Track List:
01-Back in Business
02-Rich and Happy #2
03-Love Takes Time; Remember; in Praise of Women; Perpetual Anticipation
04-What Would We Do Without You; Gun Song
05-A Little Priest
06-The Miller's Son
07-Live Alone and Like It
08-Sorry; Grateful
09-Sweet Polly Plunkett
10-I Could Drive a Person Crazy
11-Marry Me a Little
12-Getting Married Today
13-Merrily We Roll Along; Being Alive
14-Like It Was
15-Old Friends- Merrily We Roll Along #5
ACT II
The performers welcome the audience back to the show.
Back In Business (from Dick Tracy)
ALL
Yesterday it seemed the world was about to end, didn't it?
Looked as though it wouldn't last out the year.
Yesterday disaster waited around the bend.
Well. my friend,
Spring is here.
Back in business, and ain't it grand?
Let the good times roll.
Yesterday things were out of hand,
Now they're under control.
Bye-bye blues, so long adversity,
Happiness, hello! (Hello! Hello!)
Keep the status quo
Permanently so!
Back again like a boomerang,
Same old stand,
Same old gang,
Back in business with a bang!
Let the good times roll!
MICHAEL
Yesterday it seemed we never would smile again,
RACHEL & STEPHEN
Didn't it?
ALL
Didn't matter what we ventured or how.
Looked as though the fun was over till
who knew when.
That was then.
This is now.
Back in business, and ain't it grand?
Let the good times roll.
Yesterday things were out of hand,
Now they're under control.
Back to normal, back to usual.
Let the fun resume.
No more doom and gloom.
No more bust, just boom!
Back in business, and overnight
In demand,
Well, all right!
Business is just dynamite!
Let the good times roll!
Same old play with the same old cast,
Like the past,
But at last
Back in business and with a blast!
Let the good times roll -
Let the good times roll!
JULIE
Let the good times roll!
ALL
Yeah!
The performers become the characters again. It is after dinner. and they are
slouched around the living room. full of food and drink. Michael and Rachel are smoking marijuana.
Rich And Happy #2
STEPHEN
So we bought this little condominium ...
MICHAEL
So I got this little German motorbike ...
RACHEL
(to Stephen)
Let me ask, what do you think's the place to live,
Condominium or a cooperative?
(to others)
I mean, some people say a cooperative...
So you bought this little condominium...
JULIE
Hi ...
MICHAEL
Hi ...
RACHEL
Hi!
JULIE
Oh, shut up!
Gradually sobering up, they sing about the problems of love and sexual attraction.
Love Takes Time; Remeber?; In Praise Of Woman; Perpetual Anticipation; The Sun Won't Set (from A Little Night Music – stage and film)
CHRIS
Love takes time-
MICHAEL
Entirely too much, but sublime.
JULIE
Frightening. love is, full of quicksand-
RACHEL
Enlightening. love Is. full of tricks, and
It does take time-
CHRIS
Which really is rather a crime.
STEPHEN
Curious, love is-
JULIE
Self- tormenting-
RACHEL
Embarrassing, love is-
MICHAEL
Unrelenting-
ALL
A labyrinth, love is –
Just resenting
The time love takes
Compounds the confusion it makes.
CHRIS
One muddles the facts with the fakes.
JULIE
And love is a lecture
On how to correct your
Mistakes.
STEPHEN
The old deserted beach that we walked –
Remember?
JULIE
Remember?
STEPHEN
The café in the park where we talked –
Remember?
JULIE
Remember?
STEPHEN
The tenor on the boat that we chartered.
Belching "The Bartered Bride"-
BOTH
Ah, how we laughed,
Ah, how we cried.
JULIE
Ah. how you promised and
Ah. how you lied.
STEPHEN
That dilapidated inn-
Remember, darling?
The proprietress's grin.
Also her glare.
Yellow gingham on the bed –
Remember, darling?
And the canopy in red,
Needing repair?
I think you were there.
MICHAEL
Capable.
CHRIS & STEPHEN
Pliable ...
ALL THREE
Women,
Women ...
CHRIS
Undemanding
MICHAEL
And reliable,
STEPHEN
Knowing their place.
CHRIS
Insufferable-
MICHAEL
Yes. but gentle.
Their weaknesses are incidental.
CHRIS
A Functional
STEPHEN
But ornamental
ALL THREE
Race.
STEPHEN
Durable,
MICHAEL
Sensible ...
ALL THREE
Women,
Women ...
CHRIS
Very nearly indispensable
MICHAEL
Creatures of grace.
STEPHEN & MICHAEL
God knows the foolishness about them,
But if we had to do without them,
ALL THREE
The world would surely be a poorer,
CHRIS
If purer,
ALL THREE
Place.
JULIE
Remember ...
The funny little games that we played –
Remember?
STEPHEN
Remember?
JULIE
The unexpected knock of the maid –
Remember?
STEPHEN
Remember?
JULIE
The wine that made us both rather merry
And, oh, so very
Frank.
BOTH
Ah, how we laughed.
Ah, how we drank.
JULIE
I acquiesced and the rest is a blank.
What we did with my perfume-
Remember, darling? .
The condition of the room
When we were through ...
Our inventions were unique –
Remember, darling?
I was limping for a week,
You caught the flu ...
I'm sure it was – you.
RACHEL
Perpetual anticipation is
Good for the soul
But it's bad for the heart.
It's very good for practicing
Self-control.
It's very good for
Morals,
But bad for morale.
It's very bad.
It can lead to
Going quite mad.
It's very good for
Reserve and
Learning to do
What one should.
It's very good.
Perpetual anticipation's
A delicate art:
Playing a role,
Aching to start,
Keeping control
While falling
Apart.
Perpetual anticipation is
Good for the soul
But it's bad for the
Heart.
ALL
Love comes first.
STEPHEN & JULIE
It matters the most at its worst -
JULIE
You always feel under-rehearsed.
STEPHEN
One sets the conditions,
Then finds the positions reversed.
ALL
The time love takes
Awakens the heart that it breaks.
MICHAEL
Consider the new friends it makes.
ALL
Yes, love is a lecture
On how to correct your
Mistakes.
CHRIS
The sun won't set.
It's useless to frown or to fret.
It's dark as it's going to get.
The hands on the clock turn,
But don't sing a nocturne
Just yet.
Chris suggests a game, which they play.
Game Sequence # 1: What Would We Do Without You? (from Company); Gun Song (from Assassins)
JULIE (looking at Stephen)
What would I do without you-ooh?
STEPHEN
What would you all like to do?
RACHEL
Ooh ..
MICHAEL
I know.
RACHEL
What?
MICHAEL
Charades.
JULIE
I don't think so.
MICHAEL
Monopoly?
STEPHEN
Drinks?
MICHAEL
Okay. Scrabble.
RACHEL
No. Clue ...
You know. Colonel Mustard in the Parlor
with the Candlestick? ...
(She takes a drag on a joint which has gone out)
CHRIS
How about "Whom in this room"?
Everyone's played. I assume.
You know the one:
If you had a gun
And just one shot-?
Remember now. it's strictly in fun –
(pulls a gun from his pocket)
Whom in this room would you –
(points it at Rachel)
Boom?
(It's a lighter, which relights her joint)
Gun Song
CHRIS
It takes a lot of men to make a gun.
Hundreds.
Many men to make a gun:
Men in the mines
To dig the iron.
Men in the mills
To forge the steel.
Men at machines
To turn the barrel.
Mold the trigger.
Shape the wheel-
It takes a lot of men to make a gun ...
One gun ...
(He hands the lighter to Julie)
JULIE
And all you have to do
Is move your little finger.
Move your little finger and –
(clicks the lighter)
You can change the world.
Why should you be blue
When you've your little finger?
Prove how just a little finger
Can change the world.
STEPHEN
(pulling a gun out of a pocket of his jacket)
What a wonder is a gun!
What a versatile invention!
First of all, when you've a gun –
(cocks the gun)
Everybody pays attention.
When you think what must be done,
Think of all that it can do:
Remove a scoundrel.
Unite a party.
Preserve the union.
Promote the sales of my book.
Insure my future
My niche in history,
And then the world will see
That I am not a man to overlook!
Ha-ha!
(He gives the gun to Michael)
MICHAEL
And all you have to do
Is squeeze your little finger.
Ease your little finger back –
(cocks the gun)
You can change the world.
Whatever else is true.
You trust your little finger.
Just a single little finger
Can change the world.
RACHEL
I got a really great gun –
(fishing through her purse)
sh*t, where is it?
No, it's really great –
Wait-
(pulls out a lipstick, drops it back)
sh*t, where is it?
Anyway,
(continuing to fish)
It's just a .38-
(pulls out a hairbrush)
But-
(drops it back)
It's a gun,
You can make a statement –
(pulls out a shoe)
Wrong-
With a gun-
Even if you fail.
It tells 'em who you are.
Where you stand.
This one was on sale.
It - no, not the shoe -
Well, actually the shoe was, too.
(drops it back in, fishes again)
No, that's not it -
sh*t. I had it here -
Got it!
(pulls gun out, waves it around)
Yeah! There it is!
And all you have to do
Is crook your little finger.
Hook your little finger 'round –
(gun goes off)
sh*t, I shot it...
JULIE & STEPHEN
You can change the world.
RACHEL & CHRIS
Change the world,
QUARTET
Simply follow through,
And look, your little finger
Can
MICHAEL
Slow them down
RACHEL
To a crawl.
JULIE
Show them all.
STEPHEN
Big and small.
QUARTET
It took a little finger
No time
To change the world.
Chris suggests another game, which they also play, some of them reluctantly.
[5] Game Sequence #2: A little Priest (from Sweeney Todd)
CHRIS
Now on to round number two-
STEPHEN
Who in this room would you-?
RACHEL
Oooh ...
MICHAEL (as Chris hands him a blank card)
What is that?
CHRIS
A game.
JULIE
Not another game.
CHRIS
Pick a person here and then write down
the name.
(giving a card to each person)
Only the initials, and everyone print –
Mustn't give a hint.
JULIE
Darling, what's the aim?
MICHAEL
'Kay, I've got a name ...
CHRIS
On the other side, ask a question of same.
STEPHEN
Seems a little tame.
CHRIS
Only every question must carry
A theme-word
STEPHEN
Like?
CHRIS
Oh, "Marry" ...
Too tame?
STEPHEN
What's the game?
CHRIS
That's all there is to it.
JULIE
Oh, #peep# it, let's do it
(They all write busily, then give their cards to Chris, who obliterates the initials on each.)
CHRIS
I trust your questions were unrepressed.
MICHAEL
Hey, what the hell?
STEPHEN
How can we tell?
RACHEL
Who knows what's where?
CHRIS
It doesn't matter to whom they're
addressed,
STEPHEN
Wait, hold the phone-
MICHAEL
Hey, if I'd known!
JULIE
Stop - that's not fair ...
CHRIS
What's even better, I hope you'll note,
You may end up with the question you
wrote.
(He urges Rachel to pick a card)
RACHEL
I guess I'll go first.
(takes a card and reads)
"Whom in this room would you like to
marry if you could?" I wrote this;
this was meant for somebody else,
CHRIS
Nonetheless. you have to answer it
yourself.
RACHEL
Whom in this room would I like to marry?
[6] The Miller's Son (from A Little Night Music)
RACHEL
I shall marry the miller's son,
Pin my hat on a nice piece of property.
Friday nights, for a bit of fun,
We'll go dancing.
Meanwhile ...
It's a wink and a wiggle
And a giggle in the grass
And I’ll trip the light fandango,
A pinch and a diddle
In the middle of what passes by.
It's a very short road
From the pinch and the punch
To the paunch and the pouch and the pension,
It's a very short road
To the ten-thousandth lunch
And the belch and the grouch and the sigh.
In the meanwhile,
There are mouths to be kissed
Before mouths to be fed,
And a lot in between
In the meanwhile,
And a girl ought to celebrate what passes by.
Or I shall marry the businessman,
Five fat babies and lots of security,
Friday nights, if we think we can,
We'll go dancing.
Meanwhile ...
It's a push and a fumble
And a tumble in the sheets
And I'll foot the highland fancy,
A dip in the butter
And a flutter with what meets my eye.
It's a very short fetch
From the push and the whoop
To the squint and the stoop and the mumble.
It's not much of a stretch
To the cribs and the croup
And the bosoms that droop and go dry.
In the meanwhile,
There are mouths to be kissed
Before mouths to be fed,
And there's many a tryst
And there's many a bed
To be sampled and seen
In the meanwhile.
And a girl has to celebrate what passes by.
Or I shall marry the Prince of Wales –
Pearls and servants and dressing for festivals.
Friday nights, with him all in tails,
We'll have dancing.
Meanwhile ...
It's a rip in the bustle
And a rustle in the hay
And I'll pitch the quick fantastic,
With flings of confetti
And my petticoats away up high.
It's a very short way
From the fling that's for fun
To the thigh pressing under the table.
It's a very short day
Till you're stuck with just one
Or it has to be done on the sly.
In the meanwhile,
There are mouths to be kissed
Before mouths to be fed,
And there's many a tryst
And there's many a bed.
There's a lot I'll have missed,
But I'll not have been dead when I die!
And a person should celebrate everything
Passing by ...
And I shall marry the miller's son.
[7] Live Alone And Like It (from Dick Tracy)
MICHAEL (takes a card; reads)
"Are you sorry you got married?" But I'm not married!
CHRIS
All right, are you sorry you're not married?
MICHAEL
Live alone and like it,
Free as the birds in the trees,
High above the briers.
Live alone and like it,
Doing whatever you please,
When your heart desires,
Free to hang around or fly at any old time.
No equivocation,
Most of all no guarantees,
That can be your motto.
Free of obligation,
Only the murmuring breeze
As an obbligato.
Live alone and like it.
Why is that such a crime?
Free to call the tune,
Free to say if you're gonna work or play,
You can have the moon,
But you don't have to have it night and day.
Anyway,
On your own with only
You to concern yourself
Doesn't mean you're lonely,
Just that you're free.
Live alone and like it,
Don't come down from that tree.
That's the answer for me.
That's the answer for me.
[8] Sorry - Grateful (from Company)
STEPHEN (reading his card)
"Are you sorry you got married?"
MICHAEL
That's the same question I had!
STEPHEN
What a coincidence.
JULIE
Isn't it?
STEPHEN
"Are you sorry you got married?"
STEPHEN
You're always sorry,
You're always grateful,
You're always wondering what might have been.
Then she walks in.
And still you're sorry,
And still you're grateful.
And still you wonder and still you doubt,
And she goes out.
Everything's different,
Nothing's changed,
Only maybe slightly
Rearranged.
You're sorry-grateful,
Regretful-happy,
Why look for answers where none occur?
You always are what you always were,
Which has nothing to do with,
All to do with her.
You're always sorry,
You're always grateful,
You hold her, thinking, “I’m not alone."
You're still alone.
You don't live for her,
You do live with her,
You're scared she's starting to drift away
And scared she'll stay.
Good things get better,
Bad get worse.
Wait - I think I meant that in reverse.
You're sorry-grateful,
Regretful-happy,
Why look for answers where none occur?
You'll always be what you always were,
Which has nothing to do with,
All to do with her.
Nothing to do with;
All to do with her.
[9] Sweet Polly Plunkett (from Sweeney Todd)
JULIE (takes a card)
"Whom were you thinking about the day
you got married?"
Me!
Sweet Polly Plunkett saw her life pass,
Flew down the city road, crying,
"I am a lass who alas loves a lad
Who alas has a lass loves another lad
Who once I had
In Canterbury.
'Tis a row dow diddle dow day,
'Tis a row dow diddle dow dee ....”
There!
[10] I Could Drive A Person Crazy (from Company)
CHRIS (reading his card)
"Why aren't you married?”
Doo-doo doo-doo.
Doo-doo doo-doo.
Doo-doo doo-doo doo-doo.
I could drive a person crazy,
I could drive a person mad.
Doo-doo doo-doo doo.
First I make a person hazy
So a person could be had.
Doo-doo doo-doo doo.
Then I leave a person dangling sadly
Outside my door.
Which it only makes a person gladly
Want me even more.
You could understand a person
If it's not a person's bag,
Doo-doo doo-doo doo,
You could understand a person
If a person was a drag,
Doo-doo doo-doo,
Boo-boo boo-boo,
But worse 'n that,
A person that
Titillates a person and then leaves her flat
Is crazy,
I'm a troubled person,
I'm a truly crazy person
Myself!
Whee!
When a person's personality is personable,
He shouldn't oughta sit like a lump,
It's harder than a matador coercin' a bull
To try to get me off of my rump.
So single and attentive and attractive a man,
I'm everything a person could wish,
But turning off a person is the act of a man
Who likes to pull the hooks out of fish,
Knock, knock, is anybody there?
Knock, knock, it really isn't fair.
Knock, knock, I'm working all my charms,
Knock, knock, a zombie's in your arms,
All this sweet affection,
What is wrong?
Where's my loose connection?
How long, oh Lord, how long?
Crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy,
MICHAEL
Stop already!
JULIE
Jesus!
STEPHEN
Next!
RACHEL
I'm hungry!
CHRIS
I could drive a person buggy,
I could blow a person's cool.
Doo-doo doo-doo doo.
First I make a person feel all huggy,
Then I make her feel a fool.
Doo-doo doo-doo doo.
When a person says that I've upset her,
That's when I'm good.
I impersonate a person better
Than a zombie should.
You could understand a person
If I wasn't good in bed,
Doo-doo doo-doo doo.
You could understand a person
If I actually was dead.
Doo-doo doo-doo.
Exclusive me,
Elusive me,
Will any person ever get the juice of me?
I'm crazy,
I'm a lovely person,
I'm a moving, deeply maladjusted,
Never to be trusted
Crazy person
Myself!
JULIE
Absolutely!
RACHEL
I agree.
STEPHEN
You win! We give up!
Right. I think we can officially declare –
whatever your name is – the winner.
MICHAEL
No, wait. Before we decide on a winner, I'd
like to answer my question again.
[11] Marry Me A Little (from Company)
MICHAEL
Marry me a little,
Love me just enough,
Cry but not too often,
Play but not too rough.
Keep a tender distance,
So we'll both be free,
That's the way it ought to be.
I'm ready!
Marry me a little,
Do it with a will,
Make a few demands
I'm able to fulfill.
Want me more than others,
Not exclusively,
That's the way it ought to be.
I'm ready!
I'm ready now!
You can be my best friend,
I can be your right arm.
We'll go through a fight or two –
No harm, no harm.
We'll look not too deep,
We'll go not too far,
We won't have to give up a thing,
We'll stay who we are,
Right?
Okay then,
I'm ready!
I'm ready now!
Someone
Marry me a little,
Love me just enough,
Warm and sweet and easy,
Just the simple stuff.
Keep a tender distance,
So we'll both be free.
That's the way it ought to be.
I'm ready!
Marry me a little,
Body, heart and soul,
Passionate as hell,
But always in control.
Want me first and foremost,
Keep me company.
That's the way it ought to be,
I'm ready!
I'm ready now!
Oh, how gently we'll talk,
Oh, how softly we'll tread.
All the stings,
The ugly things,
We'll keep unsaid,
We'll build a cocoon
Of love and respect.
You promise whatever you like,
I'll never collect,
Right?
Okay then,
I'm ready!
I'm ready now!
Someone, I'm ready!
STEPHEN
Now shall we declare a winner?
JULIE
Yes!
CHRIS
Well. no, not quite yet.
(to Julie)
You see, you didn't actually read your
question properly-and I know, because I
wrote it. It wasn't whom were you thinking
of the day of your marriage, it was what
were you thinking of?
JULIE
What was I thinking of?
[12] Getting Married Today (from Company)
JULIE
Bless this day, pinnacle of life,
Husband joined to wife.
The heart leaps up to behold
This golden day.
'"Today is for Amy,
Amy, I give you the rest of my life,
To cherish and to keep you,
To honor you forever.
Today is for Amy,
My happily-soon-to-be wife."
Pardon me, is everybody there?
Because if everybody's there
I want to thank you all for coming to the wedding.
I'd appreciate your going even more,
I mean, you must have lots of better things to do,
And not a word of it to Paul. Remember Paul?
You know, the man I'm going to marry,
But I'm not because I wouldn't ruin
Anyone as wonderful as he is -
Thank you all
For the gifts and the flowers.
Thank you all,
Now it's back to the showers.
Don't tell Paul,
But I'm not getting married today.
Bless this day, tragedy of life,
Husband joined to wife.
The heart sinks down and feels dead
This dreadful day.
Listen everybody,
Look, I don't know what you're waiting for –
A wedding, what's a wedding?
It's a prehistoric ritual
Where everybody promises fidelity forever
Which is maybe the most horrifying word I ever heard
And which is followed by a honeymoon
Where suddenly he'll realize
He's saddled with a nut
And want to kill me, which he should,
Thanks a bunch,
But I'm not getting married.
Go have lunch,
'Cause I'm not getting married,
You've been grand,
But I'm not getting married.
Don't just stand
There,
I'm not getting married.
And don't tell Paul,
But I'm not getting married today!
Go! Can't you go?
Why is no-
Body listening?
Goodbye!
Go and cry
At another person's wake,
If you're quick,
For a kick,
You could pick
Up a christening,
But please,
On my knees
There's a human life at stake.
Listen everybody, I'm afraid you didn't hear,
Or do you want to see a crazy lady
Fall apart in front of you?
It isn't only Paul
Who could be ruining his life, you know,
We'll both of us be losing our identities –
I telephoned my analyst about it
And he said to call him Monday,
But by Monday I'll be floating
In the Hudson with the other garbage.
I'm not well.
So I'm not getting married.
You've been swell.
But I'm not getting married.
Clear the hall
'Cause I'm not getting married.
Thank you all.
But I'm not getting married.
And don't tell Paul,
But I'm not getting married today.
Bless this bride, totally insane,
Slipping down the drain,
And bless this day in our hearts –
As it starts to rain ...
"Today is for-"
Oh, go,
Can't you go?
Look, you know
I adore you all,
But why
Watch me die
Like Eliza on the ice?
Look, perhaps
I'll collapse
In the apse
Right before you all.
So take
Back the cake,
Burn the shoes and boil the rice!
Look, I didn't want to have to tell you,
But I may be coming down with hepatitis
And I think I'm going to faint,
So, if you want to see me faint,
I'll do it happily,
But wouldn't it be funnier
To go and watch a funeral?
So thank you for the
Twenty-seven dinner plates and
Thirty-seven butter knives and
Forty-seven paperweights and
Fifty-seven candle holders ...
One more thing, OTHERS
I’m not getting married.
Amen!
As I've said,
I'm not getting married.
Amen!
Stuff your ring!
I'm not getting married.
Amen!
Wed is dead!
I'm not getting married.
Amen!
Pray away,
But I'm not getting married
Today!
Amen!
Amen!
The characters express their need for emotional connection.
[13] Merrily We Roll Along #4; Being Alive (from Company)
CHRIS
How did it happen'?
Once it was all so clear.
How did you get so far off the track'?
Why can't you turn around and go back?
BEING ALIVE
STEPHEN
Somebody hold me too close,
Somebody hurt me too deep,
Somebody sit in my chair
And ruin my sleep
And make me aware
Of being alive,
Being alive.
MICHAEL
Somebody need me too much, JULIE
Somebody need me too much,
Somebody know me too well, RACHEL
Somebody know me too well ...
STEPHEN & MICHAEL
Somebody pull me up short
And put me through hell
And give me support
For being alive.
MICHAEL
Make me alive,
STEPHEN
Make me alive.
Make me confused,
Mock me with praise.
Let me be used,
Vary my days.
But alone JULIE
Make me confused,
Is alone, JULIE & RACHEL
Mock me with praise.
Not alive. MICHAEL
Let me be used,
JULIE
Vary my days.
RACHEL & MICHAEL
Being alive.
ALL
Being alive.
STEPHEN (echoed by others)
Somebody crowd me with love.
Somebody force me to care,
Somebody let me come through.
I'll always be there,
As frightened as you,
JULIE, RACHEL & STEPHEN MICHAEL
To help us survive Being alive,
Being alive. Being alive,
Being alive,
STEPHEN
Being
STEPHEN & RACHEL
Alive.
Julie expresses her yearning for the past.
[14] Like It Was (from Merrily We Roll Along)
JULIE
Charley,
Why can't it be like it was?
I liked it the way that it was.
Charley-
You and me, we were nicer then.
We were nice,
Kids and cities and trees were nice,
Everything ...
I don't know who we are any more,
And I'm starting not to care.
Look at us, Charley,
Nothing's the way that it was.
I want it the way that it was.
Help me stop remembering then.
Don't you remember?
It was good, it was really good.
Help me out, Charley,
Make it like it was.
Charley.
Nothing's the way that it was.
I want it the way that it was.
God knows, things were easier then.
Trouble is, Charley,
That's what everyone does:
Blames the way it is
On the way it was,
On the way it never ever was.
Stephen and Julie reconcile. Michael and Rachel make a genuine connection.
Led by Chris, they all sing affirmatively of the present and the future.
[15] Old Friends (from Merrily We Roll Along); Merrily We Roll Along #5
STEPHEN (taking Julie in his arms)
Hey, old friend,
Are you okay, old friend?
What do you say, old friend,
Are we or are we unique?
Time goes by,
Everything else keeps changing.
You and I,
We get continued next week.
MICHAEL (to Rachel)
Most friends fade
Or they don't make the grade.
New ones are quickly made,
Quickly they're no longer new.
That's us, old friend,
What's to discuss, old friend?
CHRIS
Some roads are soft
And some are bumpy,
Some roads you really
Fly.
Some roads are rough
And leave you jumpy.
Why make it tough
By getting grumpy?
Plenty of roads to try.
WOMEN MEN
Some roads are soft One
And some are bumpy, Trip, all you get is
Some roads you really fly. One quick ride,
Look around a bit.
Some roads are rough One quick ride
And leave you jumpy, Through the
Why make it tough Countryside,
By getting grumpy? Stay on the track.
Plenty of roads to try.
Never look back.
Some roads you really fly.
Never look back!
ALL
Never look back.
Never look back.
Never look back!
Never look ...
Yesterday is done,
See the pretty countryside!
Merrily we roll along, roll along,
Bursting with dreams!
Traveling's the fun,
Flashing by the countryside,
Everybody merrily, merrily,
Sing 'em your song!
Rolling along,
Rolling along,
Rolling along!
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